These Crazy Animals! Part 3, Guinea Fowl

GUINEAS!

     Guinea fowl sounded like a great idea when we were packing to move to Pungo almost 3 years ago.  The land was covered with ticks, and we were buying enough space, and they are just comical when they run, their feet moving frantically under the skirt of feathers.  So when Malbon's Feed & Seed offered guinea keets for $6 each, I bought 6 and took them home in a cardboard box.  "Guess what I have!" I said, opening the box for Rebecca and Dan to see.  Rebecca said I had lost my mind.

     I raised them from tiny babies, bought a chicken coop kit to keep them in, and let them free range.  The guineas refused to voluntarily go in at night, but would sit on the fence waiting for me and our dog, Fritz, to chase them all over the yard, then finally trap them and herd them in.

Guineas on the fence waiting to go in for the night.

     One night I was getting my shoes on for our nightly routine and heard a commotion.  I ran outside in time to see guineas flying everywhere.  Two were in the pool, one was in the front yard, two were hiding in the corner, and one was missing.  I rounded them up, spent forever chasing them around the pool, and was not only soaking wet, but heartbroken - an owl had apparently swooped down and snatched one right off the fence.  I was down to 5.

     The thing about guineas that I still had to learn is that guineas are suicidal.  They will get themselves killed every chance they get.  So by the following year, 2 had flown into neighbors' yards and gotten eaten by dogs and 1 more had been hit by a car.  

     After the owl incident, the guineas started roosting on the back steps' handrail.  The steps quickly became covered in disgusting poo.  They also tore up the screen on the back porch, and a week after we had it fixed, they did it again.  They would consistently get stuck in the fence behind our house and scream loudly into the night until I came to save them, then they would run, fight, and scratch me during the "rescue."  So when I saw an ad on Facebook for guinea keets, I proved that Rebecca was right when she said that I had lost my mind, and bought 6 more.

     In my defense, I had a plan this time.  I was going to raise these babies right alongside the chickens, so they would be more docile, sleep in the large coop with the chickens, and only leave the area to clear the property of ticks like normal guineas should.  Instead I got crazy guineas, all male, who attacked and molested the chickens mercilessly, ate all the chickens' food, and didn't leave the run to hunt for ticks.  

Guineas on top of the chicken coop.

     I took out an ad offering guineas for $10 each.  Then hens were afraid to leave the coop and cowered in the corner.  I lowered the price to $5 each, and locked the guineas out of the coop.  Those horrible randy guineas flew into the neighbor's chicken run and molested their chickens.  I lowered the price to free, and was relieved to get an answer.  We immediately boxed them up and drove them a few miles away to drop them off at their new home.  The lady's son met us in the yard and offered us $10 each to take them back home with us  - NO DEAL!

     At the beginning of this season, I still had the two of the originals.  I called them "The Sisters" and watched them run around comically as they combed the yard for ticks and left eggs in strange places.  One evening I noticed only one of The Sisters was roosting on the handrail.  "Sister"now  walks around the yard by herself now and occasionally hollers out into the woods looking for her sibling.  

"Sister," our last guinea hen

     The other day as Rebecca and I stood on the destroyed porch, Sister crossed the yard heading for her lonely roost.  Rebecca said, "She looks so sad.  We should get more guineas."  She has lost her friggin' mind!